"Fill Your Paper with the Breathings of Your Heart ".....William Wordsworth (1770-1850)
I've never considered myself a Writer....I just love writing 💗💗💗
But what actually makes you a "Writer"??
What do you have to do to be considered a "Writer"? - be published? be recognized for your writings? have a PhD in Writing and Rhetoric?... What's that elusive seal of approval?
Does it have to be my chosen career? Do I have to make money from my writing? Move in often cited literary circles?....
Because, if it is any one of the aforementioned, then I'm definitely not a "Writer".
I write exactly what is in my head, using the same language as my original thoughts...no filters - and my journal is a place to corral those many, often confusing thoughts, that are tumbling around in my maelstrom mind.
I love the imagery of a maelstrom....the churning, powerful current causing whirlpools, that can happen both in rivers and oceans. The most famous being, Saltstraumen in Norway that has one of the strongest tidal currents in the world - 110 billion gallons of seawater forces its way through a 1.9 mi long and 490ft wide strait, every six hours. The tidal current can reach 25mph and this particular maelstrom has existed for about two to three thousand years!
Back in Scotland, we have a similar phenomenon at the Gulf of Corryvreckan, which is formed as the tide enters the narrow stretch of water between the Islands of Jura and Scarba.
For me, a maelstrom is an awesome visualization of my sometimes-chaotic mind when I have too many thoughts, feelings, and ideas, all being tossed around in my head like a turbulent ocean.
At this point, I'd like to mention the change in my writing style that happened (you wouldn't be aware of, as this is typed in a blog 😁). As a child, I learned how to write in a cursive style, and I loved the way writing would look on a page when I finished writing - it appeared to have a life of its own. An artful expression of my words.
Once I began my career as a cardiac physiologist, it was much more important that words and numbers were exceptionally clear, as this information would be used to diagnose patient's heart conditions, and an error in reading my transcriptions could be disastrous... (I'm old enough to remember handwritten patient charts and notes!) So, I began writing in CAPITAL LETTERS ALL THE TIME, to ensure my writing was accurate and easy to read, and this continued throughout my career in clinical research leadership. An unintended consequence was, that I wrote in capital letters all the time, and only ever used cursive when writing a birthday or Christmas card, and even then I had to consciously think about it. My writings consisted not only of capital letters, but also, bullet points, asterisks, and arrows....always extremely structured. Whilst I could write exceptionally quickly and accurately, my writing had an almost sterile look to it - there was no personality associated with my writing....it was indeed lifeless.
Now, reading and writing have always been my escape mechanism....when I'm in an uncomfortable situation, sad, hurt or just bored - the one sure way for me to deal with it, is to lose myself in a book or my writing. Several years ago, whilst working in an extremely high pressured and stressful environment, I decided to write in a journal every day. This was a new concept for me, up to this point, I didn't see the value in this exercise, as I had always associated keeping a journal with teenage girls' angsts, and crushes on boys....
I know this is such an awful, preconceived notion and simply highlights why you shouldn't be so skeptical of ideas before you have tried them for yourself.
I found that when I wrote down all the thoughts, concerns and ideas that were constantly running around my head (often preventing me from sleeping 🙄), I was able to triage them better. It enabled me to put things into perspective - when I wrote things down on paper, it was like having a conversation with my better self. Instead of overanalyzing and overthinking, every minute detail, of every single thought, idea, and concern in my head (and frequently making them larger and much more complex than they needed to be), I could actually let my heart and soul be involved in my thought process. This in turn, allowed me to make much more balanced, and thoughtful decisions and plans. Thoughts and fears that I may have been too afraid to say out loud to another person, I could transcribe and work through, without fear of judgement or causing upset.
This was a complete game changer for me....I had often felt that my head may explode with all the thoughts and ideas that bounced around in my mind - that it was just way too full of "Stuff"! By having a brain dump every morning into my journal (my way of describing the download onto paper, of all those crazy, and not so crazy things into a list - albeit sometimes hectic and confusing looking on first glance), I freed up my head for the real "stuff" that needed to be analyzed and worked through. Incredibly, huge problems and obstacles suddenly were solvable....those Mount Everest like issues, became proverbial molehills, much easier to deal with and solve.
Writing also allowed me to process some painful thoughts - by putting the words on a page, for me it was like verbalizing those particularly troublesome ones, that were taking up too much real estate in my head. Once on paper, I could be much more objective about the issue and either resolve it, or just let it go (and boy does it feel good to be able to let some things go!).
So, I began getting up earlier in the morning, to ensure that I had enough time to write....which ultimately led to my sunrise musings😊
I write throughout the year, taking the time to enjoy each season in all its raw, natural beauty. I love to be wherever I plan to write, by the time the sun rises (which is a lot easier in the winter😉 )
I found that when I made the time to write down my thoughts and feelings, so many things started to make sense and as an added benefit, I had time to ponder my more creative ideas and plan new adventures!
Without realizing it, my writing had morphed back to cursive...and the more I wrote, the more I enjoyed it!!!! My writing became beautiful, playful, and full of life again - the sterile capital letter, bullet points and arrows have been replaced by pretty, joined letters that appear to dance across my pages.
And it's not just me that has found this relationship with writing interesting - Research has shown that cursive writing, helps train the brain to integrate visual and tactile information, and fine motor dexterity. Even more interesting is the fact that the regions of the brain that are activated during reading, were "activated during handwriting, but not during typing. This explains why if I try to write directly into my laptop using the keyboard, my writing seems almost mechanical, I need to see my words flow as in a beautiful dance....sometimes quickly like a frenzied tango, and other times like a slow and incredibly choreographed classical ballet.
After writing for some time, I would occasionally share my musings and meanderings with a friend or colleague, and they were the ones that encouraged me to publish some of my writing in a blog. Although this was a huge step, as I wasn't sure anyone would be remotely interested in what I had to write about...but I thought I'd give it a go.
This also gave me an outlet for sharing my photography (something I wish I could find some more time to do, as I love capturing the unique essence, of a moment in time) 😊. I can apply the same logic to my love of photography - would I call myself a "photographer"? absolutely not!!!! That's for those that have their pics in National Geographic, have beautiful galleries full of their artform, or take exquisite wedding photographs.....Ansel Adams, Cindy Sherman, David Bailey, Robert Frank, Annie Leibovitz et al...all excellent photographers. Is it my chosen career? Does my photography make me money? Will I ever have my photos in a gallery? Did I go to photography school? - Nope - so I guess I can't call myself a "photographer"....But when I'm contorted at some weird angle, just so I can get "that shot"...when I capture a unique moment in time - the dolphin leaping out the ocean, that bird soaring in the sky, that specific point when the sun just peaks out from her morning slumber to warm my world....
And, whilst I write a great deal and take too many photographs - it's completely up to me, what, if anything, I choose to share, whom I decide to share it with, and when I choose to share it...I have the freedom to choose.
Often, I compare living your life to writing a story....You can always change the narrative if you really want to, you just have to want to hard enough - If you're unhappy in how things are looking for you at the moment, then change your life story.
Perhaps you need a new location (home move, town move, state move or even country relocation!), a change of characters (new friends, the return of old friends, new work colleagues, new partner), a career/job change (lateral move, new department, promotion, retire, take a sabbatical, new company, start your own business...), lifestyle change (less stress/manage stress, more physical activity, improved eating habits, trying a new hobby or sport, better work/life balance).
About 18 months ago, I did exactly that...I decided it was time to close one particular chapter in my life, and to write a spectacular new one....the adventure was primed to begin 😊
But, where to start - perhaps it was time to have a radically different adventure!
new location? new characters? new ambitions? new career? new hobbies? new lifestyle?...Perhaps All of them!
Throughout my life, I've had many adventures: -
Changed Locations - Ayr, Scotland, Kent, London, Buckinghamshire, and The Cotswalds in England, then Chapel Hill, Hillsborough and of course, my beloved Hatteras in North Carolina
Changed Husbands - Two ex-husbands, one very much-loved current husband 😁
Changed Jobs - Cardiovascular Physiologist and Chief Cardiac Physiologist (in hospitals), Team Lead, Assistant Director, Director, Senior Director, Managing Director (clinical research), Vice President Global Strategic Marketing (cardiology equipment), Director, Senior Director (academic clinical research), executive leadership coach and life coach (consultant)
But for the past 25yrs of my life, my one constant has been my career (and of course, my love of horses and the ocean!!!) - although I changed the positions I held, and the location of where I worked, I always remained in healthcare, predominantly cardiology.
It was time for a radical change....a completely new and exciting adventure - so I went for it....
How different could I get from, a senior director of clinical trials at Duke University's research institute, responsible for over 400 people, 100's of clinical trials, working crazy hours in a highly stressful environment (that I had loved for many years :o), landlocked with the only body of water being the 3-acre lake on our horse-farm, which although beautiful, was not the ocean???
Hmmmm, let's see - Buying and restoring an almost 100year old inn in Hatteras Village (the first ever hotel to be built on Hatteras Island), which lies 30 miles off the North Carolina coast, in the Atlantic Ocean, which is now open to guests, and where I plan to have some awesome retreats throughout the quieter seasons. The first of which I'll be announcing shortly 😊
I have a wonderful new network of friends, for the first time since leaving Scotland, I feel "at home", I'm so much happier and healthier....and I've even taken up windsurfing.
Starting this new chapter in "My Atlantic Life", was a process, one that had its challenges, but I wouldn't change it for anything - I love my new adventure and will am happy to share it with you through this blog.
It's so cool when I hear from people that have read some of my ramblings, and e-mail me directly, or comment on the page, regardless of whether it's good, bad, or indifferent, I'm just super happy that someone found the time to read my blog! My thoughts on blog and Facebook comments are, that if you choose to post your ideas, photos, writings etc. on any social media, you open yourself up to others' opinion of your post, and you should be ready to receive them, even if you may not agree with their particular sentiment. If you're not quite ready for prime-time feedback, perhaps it's best to only share your posts with friends and family, who may be a little kinder in their comments and opinions.
So, do all, or any of these things make me an accomplished "writer"...probably not
- if I go by my initial description of a "writer", that would be Rumi, Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare, JK Rawlings, Stephen King or indeed, Robert Burns (the poet that was born not 5 miles from my hometown in Scotland, that penned Auld Lang Syne in 1788).
But, when I'm sitting on my Atlantic beach watching the sunrise, or cozied up in one of my favorite nooks in the Atlantic Inn, writing in my journal or notebook....I truly do Fill My Paper with the Breathings of My Heart " therefore....I am a Writer 😊
Now, I need to go and work on my plans for the first women's retreat at The Atlantic Inn, which I'm looking forward to sharing with you really soon!
Until next time, stay safe, take care.....and keep dreaming - Is it time for you to write next adventure?
Hugs,
Pam 😊
I love your writings! And can't wait to hear about a retreat, in my favorite place in the entire world!